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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone of your Daily, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and historic moments, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to find out that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college to access the restrooms during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager post a quick discussion within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|